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All parents want their children to have rich, fulfilling lives. As parents of gay children think of the lonely, difficult path their sons and daughters face – often shunned and despised by those who don’t care to understand them, perhaps persecuted and discriminated against – their hearts ache. They long to make the world a better place for their children. That longing may lead to the ultimate question, Why is it wrong or sinful for my child, who is unable to have a successful heterosexual marriage, to want that same kind of relationship with a same-sex partner? Do we believe that the sole reason God instituted marriage was for procreation? Or was it also to help us better understand the kind of relationship God wants to have with us? Was it to help us learn to submit our will to our partner, as we submit ourselves to Christ? Was it meant to be a school where we learn to love unselfishly and put another’s needs before our own? Was it meant to create a bond that will help us build community and make the world a better place? Do our gay and lesbian children not need the blessings and benefits of marriage as much as our straight children? The
website of the Family Research Counsel lists the many benefits of
marriage. Study after study shows that those who are married live
longer, have stronger immune systems, have better mental health, are
less likely to commit suicide or abuse alcohol and other drugs, express
greater happiness and satisfaction with their lives, are less exposed to
violence, make more money, have more self-respect and are more likely to
be productive, responsible citizens than single persons. What are the
ethical implications of Christian groups who try to persuade
heterosexual couples to get married, while actively seeking to deny these
benefits to gay and lesbian couples? Touch is not only nice, it’s needed. Scientific research supports the theory that stimulation by touch is absolutely necessary for our physical as well as emotional well-being. Therapeutic touch, recognized as an essential tool for healing, is part of nurses’ training in several large medical centers. Touch is used to help relieve pain, depression and anxiety, to bolster patients’ will to live, and to help premature babies who have been deprived of touch in their incubators grow and thrive. While there are many forms of touching, hugging is a very special one that contributes in a major way to healing and health. Should this healing power of touch be denied to our gay and lesbian sons and daughters? The
October 3, 2004, issue of Newsweek
carried a cluster of articles concerning Type D (for Distress)
personalities. The authors claim that stress and loneliness are perhaps
the most important factors in predicting heart disease. An article by
Dr. Dean Ornish, in particular, makes a case for the need of all people
to have a close and intimate companion. He says: "Love
and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us
well. If a new medication had the same impact, failure to prescribe it
would be malpractice. . . "Study
after study finds that people who feel lonely are many times more likely
to get cardiovascular disease than those who have a strong sense of
connection and community. I'm not aware of any other factor in medicine
- not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not genetics, not drugs, not
surgery - that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of
illness and premature death. . . "In
one study at Yale, men and women who felt the most loved and supported
had substantially less blockage in their coronary arteries. . .And when
researchers at Duke surveyed men and women with heart disease, those who
were single and lacked confidants were three times as likely to have
died after five years. . . "We
can see that these relationships are among the most powerful
determinants of our well-being and survival. We are hard-wired to help
each other. Science is documenting the healing values of love, intimacy,
community, compassion, forgiveness, altruism and service. . .
Rediscovering the wisdom of love and compassion may help us
survive."23 Might
this not illustrates the need God places in each of us for a loving,
committed, intimate relationship, and the risk in which denying
fulfillment of that need puts us? It’s true that in less than optimum
conditions this need can be partially filled by a close friendship. But
our church has failed to make any effort to help provide this for gay
and lesbian people. Though some churches may tolerate gay or lesbian
persons, only in rare circumstances do they offer them a warm, loving
supportive community. Many
church members are afraid of being very friendly with a gay person. They
don't feel comfortable. If they are men they may fear being perceived as
homosexual themselves. Yet, if a gay person establishes a close
friendship with another gay person, this is looked upon suspiciously.
And it may, indeed, lead to the desire for a committed relationship. It’s not difficult to understand why adultery, divorce, promiscuity, incest, rape and pornography are considered sexual sins, because they hurt both those who initiate them and those who are the victims. But why should true love and commitment between two people of the same sex be considered sinful, if that is the only way they can bond emotionally and sexually? Opponents of same-sex relationships claim that such relationships are always unhappy, never last, and partners are seldom faithful to each other. Here are some real-life stories to counteract that theory. |
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S T O R I E S & A R T I C L E S |
